Now you're lost and you're lethal

Happy Anniversary

2008-03-04T03:17:48Z

Judecca Hades is on a hunt. He is, in fact, on a hunt for his girlfriend. He is dressed in the same suit, sans tie, that he wore to his internship today and has left his schoolwork back in the flat that he shares with his eldest brother because, though he is of the belief that he has been a complete failure of a boyfriend for the majority of this past year, today he is determined to go through with the plans that he has been making for the past month. Since getting off of work, he has been busy making sure that he had everything in order and now he just needs the key to it all - namely one demon by the name of Michael. After all, what good are gifts and a starlit picnic without someone to share them?

[long over-due openpost, wut? >__>]

2007-05-27T22:58:16Z

There is a Decca seated on a sofa, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, shoulders hunched like his entire world has pretty much settled in right on top of them. He's had his memory back for some time now and, to be perfectly honest, the only reason that he hasn't tried to find Michael yet is just because, hell, he doesn't even know where to begin. Not that finding people is exactly difficult around here, normally, but if she doesn't want to be found-- And what is he even supposed to say?

Typist: Yeah, the typist fails. >__> Anyway, this is mostly for Mikey but anyone can talk to him. Warning that he's going to be...rather depressed...if that wasn't obvious already.

toacoldmirror @ 2007-01-28T17:46:00

2007-01-28T22:47:05Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) One thing you can't stand about ramblingbrat? I'd have to know her a bit better for this.
2) Is buthellisours an emo? Sorry. I just choked on a laugh there.
3) Is damndtotartarus a college student? I don't believe so?
4) If whirlpoolesbian was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? A sex-obsessed male. Or perhaps a giant phallus.
5) How tall is fifthisone? I think he's an inch or so taller than me.
6) Is merrywrath introverted or extroverted? Extroverted. And terrifying.
7) If fifthisone took over the world, who would suffer? Anyone who wouldn't have sex with him.
8) What comic book character would notahades be? A technological genius of some sort.
9) What rank would divine__demon have in a giant robot army? Why is my girlfriend in a giant robot army?
10) If merrywrath had a superpower, what would it be? Something that would make it even easier to traumatize and murder people.
11) How would hades_historian kill ramblingbrat? Prevent her from ever being born.
12) What animal should nottheonlylie be combined with? Something quiet and disdainful and dangerous.
13) If whirlpoolesbian and wee_wrongdoer were spliced together, what would it be like? ...........................................ow.
14) How would boundtobe conquer the world? One cadaver at a time.
15) Does divine__demon have a dog? Not that I know of. Unelss Tia turns me into a puppy instead of a lemur next time.
16) Is nottheonlylie a high school student? Yes.
17) What would you do if you found out terrorordelight has a crush on you? I'd be disturbed. Very, very disturbed
18) Is buthellisours popular? Amongst the male population looking for sex, I suppose.
19) Would you ever date nottheonlylie? Augh, no.
20) Is angeloffire_ related to beneathatree? Yes. Related and highly attached.
21) Do you have whirlpoolesbian's screenname? Does the one right here count?
22) Does dysfunctionahoy have a crush on heavensbowed? Someone, I hope not.
23) What is divine__demon's biggest flaw? If you wanted a flaws, you asked the wrong person.
24) What is gabsheart's favorite food? No clue.
25) Does divine__demon travel a lot? Well, she could if she wanted to. I want to take her somewhere this spring.
26) Is messofinnocence 1337? Teh 1337 murder machine.
27) Does dysfunctionahoy smoke? No. He doesn't drink, either.
28) If sexandascalpel commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? Whoever he labotomized and brainwashed.
29) If boundtobe and divine__demon were siamese twins, where would they be joined? Oh Someone, that's disturbing.
30) Does dysfunctionahoy go to your school? Nope.
31) How long have you known savagelystill? A very long time.
32) Where was angel_afire born? I don't know.
33) Could you see fromwayback and latrodecti together? In a non-romantic, "Charlotte, please get your spider off of my head" sort of way.
34) What song/movie would you recommend to immafruitfly? He probably watches more films than I do and I doubt we really listen to the same sort of music.
35) One quality you find attractive in whirlpoolesbian? Self-assurance, I suppose.
36) Have you ever dated angel_afire? Ew. No.
37) Where did you first meet heavensbowed? At Dad's flat.
38) What would acrossandasong think of terrorordelight? They probably get along.
39) What exotic animal would ramblingbrat like as a pet? I have absolutely no idea.
40) Where would heavensbowed most like to visit? No clue, but he'd probably be happiest if he was visiting wherever on tour with his band.
41) Do angel_afire and acrossandasong go to the same school? No.
42) What mental disorder does gabsheart remind you of? You ask the psychology student and he can't answer. Go figure.
43) Are merrywrath and savagelystill going out? Augh, no. Stop that.
44) Is terrorordelight in a relationship? Not at the moment.
45) What planet should waragainstfaith be from? From what I know of him, I'd say he probably feels like he's from Pluto anyway. That whole "non-planet" issue not withstanding.
46) What is mutteredinhell's favorite movie? Does she even watch films?
47) What is waragainstfaith allergic to? No idea. I should possible get to know more of my cousins a bit better.
48) Does mutteredinhell have a big secret? Probably.
49) What video game does solumveritas remind you of? I don't play video games.
50) Is waragainstfaith your best friend? Not by a long shot. I don't even know if he has one and mine is my notsister.
51) Which president would hadeslament be likely to idolize? I didn't pay that much attention to world history but whoever had the least morals.
52) Is waragainstfaith related to you? Yes. Cousins. I have a lot of those.
53) How many monkeys could whirlpoolesbian fight at once and win against? Why is she fighting monkeys int he first place?
54) Has hades_historian been to your house/dorm? Not unless I missed that visit.
55) Would notahades go out with terrorordelight? Ew. No.
56) Thoughts on merrywrath? Augh. I can't even begin.
57) Is dysfunctionahoy single? I'm not sure he'd actually know if he wasn't.
58) What is damnedtoelysium's favorite game? Torment the Twin. Or else something I don't want to think about.
59) What flavor of jello would dimlystarred be? Human flesh and blood. Jello for cannibals.
60) Are whichsideamion and thesamelie married? Not unless I seriously missed something.
61) Would you make out with notahades? Ew! No! Augh! Stop that!
62) Would you wrestle angel_afire in jello? The fuck? No.
63) What do you agree with waragainstfaith about? You keep assuming that I actually know my cousins and it keeps making me feel horrible that I don't.
64) Is angel_afire athletic? Define athletic.
65) Which of your friends should notahades go out with? She's dating my cousin and it can stay that way
66) What animal does messofinnocence remind you of? Is there any animal in the world that is half as cheerful and deadly at the same time as he is?
67) What color should dysfunctionahoy dye their hair? He'd look odd with dyed hair.
68) Are buthellisours and terrorordelight going steady? Oh, Someone, no.
69) savagelystill's hair color? Black, I believe. Unless I totally missed something.
70) Did buthellisours break up with you? Ew. Ew. Ew.
71) What would you do if hades_historian died? Be confused by how on earth that happened.
72) Would acrossandasong and sexandascalpel look good together? No. Just no. Keep Bertie away from him.
73) Would you set up nottheonlylie and fifthisone? No!
74) Is nottheonlylie a nerd? In a manner of speaking.
75) Does mutteredinhell do drugs? She doesn't need them.
76) How long would thesamelie dating merrywrath last? Not long. Not long at all.
77) Is acrossandasong friends with dysfunctionahoy? I don't know. They probably could be.
78) Is nottheonlylie dead sexy? ...maybe to a book.
79) Do you think mutteredinhell is hot? She's my sister. She's attractive, sure, but she's family.
80) Does gabsheart drink? Possibly. I don't know.
81) When did you last call wee_wrongdoer? She doesn't call me. She tackles me and bites me.
82) Has beneathatree dyed their hair? No. Unless we count the random streaks of watercolour.
83) If dimlystarred and merrywrath were spliced together, what would be its name? j;aliwewa;oighsnd;lkvnasdv
84) What is dysfunctionahoy's favorite band/artist? No idea.
85) hadeslament's eye color? Blue.
86) Does dimlystarred know gabsheart? Probably not. The survival rate for nonfamily knowing Uncle Eridanos is rather low.
87) What would latrodecti give savagelystill for his/her birthday? No clue.
88) If merrywrath took over the world, who would be happy? Bertie. Probably Uncle Eridanos. Anyone else as terrifying as those three.
89) If beneathatree were hanging off a cliff, what would heavensbowed do? Save him.
90) Would immafruitfly and hadeslament make a good couple? ..............ew.
91) Do you have a crush on nottheonlylie? Not by a long shot.
92) What is damndtotartarus's shoe size? How would I know?
93) What is acrossandasong's favorite color? Good question.
94) Would sexandascalpel be a better ninja or pirate? Psycho killer.
95) What do you disagree with latrodecti about? The fact that spiders really aren't that terrifying.
96) What word best describes smrt_angel? I can't come up with a single word.
97) Have you flirted with savagelystill? No. Never.
98) What languages does dysfunctionahoy speak? English and Latin, at the very least.
99) What would dysfunctionahoy do differently in your shoes? ...oh, so much. The list is too long to even consider.
100) Where was angel_afire born? ...wait. I got this question already.

A Gift

2006-07-16T04:57:21Z

On a table there is a box. That box is a very pale blue and tied with silver ribbon and has a tag that addresses it as being for Michael. Inside there are two white roses on top of a box of chocolates. The chocolates, in turn, are on top of a note that simply reads "I love you" and has something attached to it. That something is a silver wristband with Decca's full name engraved on the inside.

With Love

2006-06-11T05:12:23Z

*completely at random, that is to say without any determinable reason whatsoever, two dozen long-stem, white roses shall be delivered to Michael, the small note attached to them reading, in a familiar blue script, "Σ' αγαπώ." -- that is to say "I love you."*

And we're back.

2006-06-08T04:21:34Z

*is back from whatever literal hell-hole he got stuck into while making with that whole dead thing and is looking none too cheerful upon his return - in fact he's looking particularly irritable, for lack of a more accurate word - but that is far from saying that he is not glad to be back, he's just in a rather sour mood over havin been dead in the first place* *but yes, he's sitting on a bench under a tree as he gets used to this whole living thing again and, while he is not likely to be particularly friendly to more than a select few, people are welcome to notice his reappearance*

toacoldmirror @ 2006-05-23T22:43:00

2006-05-24T02:53:55Z

Just a note for those who care, I officially recieve my BA at 4PM on Friday.

The ceremony's limited invitation, so I've got seats for the usual family members who never try to kill me plus Michael and about four extras. Kae? Joshua? You're both welcome to claim one if you want. Otherwise, anyone who is, again, not going to try to kill me is welcome to pick up the other two.

And Dad's decided that there's going to be a party whether I like it or not, to which everyone is invited just so anyone who wants to make me look like an arse gets their chance.

toacoldmirror @ 2006-03-19T19:51:00

2006-03-20T00:52:39Z

*would apparently just like to note that he is in a far better mood than his typist* *I guess the trip to Hawaii went well*

toacoldmirror @ 2006-03-12T02:04:00

2006-03-12T07:05:32Z

1. Age you will be on your next birthday:

2. Your favorite color:

Can I be there now?

3. Your middle name:

...........

4. The place you lost or would like to lose your virginity:

Er...moving on.

5. A bad habit of yours:

...well, damn.

6. Your favorite fruit or vegetable:

7. Your favorite animal:

8. The town you live in:

While in the UK, anyway.

9. The name of a pet:

10. Best friend's nickname:

11. Your first name:

12. Your last name:

13. The one you love:

And now I have to finish packing for Hawaii. Speaking of which-- Hey, Brynne! I have a fuzzy kitty and two ferts in need of bratsitting for the week. Up to the task?

Apparently must make note before going to bed...

2006-03-04T08:42:16Z

Just so you know, Brynne? I got my kitten back.

toacoldmirror @ 2006-02-28T13:08:00

2006-02-28T18:17:58Z

*is still seriously with the brainbroken after Joshua and so is slightly...dazed -- dazed is a good word for it* *this has not gone over well with his classes today, by the by*

*shakes his head clear for the moment* Er. Hey. Brynne? If you're not too busy...I could use a sisterthing for a minute. Won't take long ~~if I suffer lackofspacing~~. Just...yeah.

...........and I think I have a kitten. *you know, he never did give back the kitten Joshua modded up...*

toacoldmirror @ 2006-02-14T21:13:00

2006-02-15T02:27:22Z

About half of my bookshelves are doubled up these days. I have to move half a dozen books just to find one. That really isn't important, of course, it's just a fact, and it's only relevant at all because I was looking for a book today.

I didn't find it.

My mother, for those who've never seen any of my photos before.

I'd forgotten I had these. They were tucked into her old copy of Frankenstein. Oddly appropriate time to resurface, really, considering what day it is.

Happy Valentine's Day, Blue-eyes. Everyone else, too. And happy birthday, Mum.

Well, holy crap! Look who's finally on a date!

2006-02-12T06:19:11Z

As we established the last time he went out to dinner, Decca looks quite impressive when he's all cleaned up - black suit, blue shirt just about the same colour as his eyes and, Brynne would be impressed to note, a black silk tie to close the deal. After a rather couragous struggle on his part, he's managed to extricate himself from his father's company. Cocytus was far too amused by the fact that his son was not only going on a date but seemed nervous about it. Not that Decca's at all nervous, really. Of course not! Why on Earth would he be? It's just a date, right? And it's Michael. We're always comfortable with Michael. So, in conclusion, not nervous at all. Honest. ...or, okay, maybe a little. Not that it's noticable! ...right? Oh, bugger.

I suppose we should also note that he has a rose - singular, long-stem, white - and it's twirling it's way back and forth through his fingers out of ~~nervous~~ habit.

toacoldmirror @ 2006-02-10T12:29:00

2006-02-10T17:50:07Z

Well, apparently Anty's pregnant again. ~~I think the ferrets have sex more often than my father, if that's even possible.~~ Vet says it's probably been a week or so, which means we'll have kits in about five weeks and they'll be adoptable two to three months later. Won't be prefixed or anything this time around but that's nothing too terrible to deal with.

Anyway, in other news, I have the weekend off. Brill. And Faylinn just threatened to dye my hair day-glo green. ...I have no idea.

And now it's notsibling dinner time. :D

2006-01-28T02:26:10Z

*so this is a Decca, amazingly lacking in any sort of school-related materials and completely ready for a dinner with his notsistersiblingthing because, whee, there has been nothing done with the Brynne for a while and this is most definitely a bad thing - that nothing has been done, that is, not that they're going out to dinner because dinner is good and-- let's stop the mental rambling before it really gets started, shall we?* *so, yes - dinner*

School babbling to be freely ignored.

2006-01-23T21:24:40Z

SenSem: Nurtured Psychosis - TR - 8-9:45AM
Abnormal Psychology - TR - 10-11:45AM
Criminal Psychology - MWF - 8-8:50AM
Child Psychopathology - MW - 10-11:45AM
Corrective Services - F - 9:30-12PM
Research Internship - SatSun - 8-11:30AM

Semester 1 - 15 credit hours
Semester 2 - 18 credit hours
Summer - 6 credit hours
Semester 3 - 21 credit hours
Semester 4 - 21 credit hours
Summer - 6 credit hours
Semester 5 - 18 credit hours
Semester 6 - 18 credit hours
Total Credit Hours - 123

Trust insomnia to kick in during my last semester of bachelorate study. Seriously. My professor for CrimPsych laughed when I went out, set the alarm on my watch and took over the one bench in the lobby after class. Then my ChildPsych professor laughed when she came in to find me fast asleep. I think I've found the one plus to my Monday-Wednesday classes being in the same building. That's two days a week I get a nap that doesn't involve falling asleep with my face in a book.

On a somewhat unrelated note, it occured to me today that one of the original points to studying in America rather than sticking to a European school was studying somewhere my family wouldn't be able to breathe down my neck. So much for that idea. Of course, as Dad ever so helpfully reminded me this morning, I do have an advantage over the rest of the students specializing in Criminal Psychology and Psychopathology - I'm experiencing everything I study.

Maybe I should've asked if living with my relatives could be considered a psychological internship.

toacoldmirror @ 2006-01-20T10:30:00

2006-01-20T15:45:54Z

*is somewhere...findable, because all places you can get to are findable, and reading for one of his Psych classes but this is Decca and a twitchy Decca, at that, and twitchy Decca can never focus on one thing at once so is muttering to himself in -- Greek? -- Greek while he reads, his words having nothing to do with the text*

Ti duskolon? To eautōn gnōnai. Ti eukolon? To allo hupotithestai. Ti koinōtaton? Elpis. Kai gar ois allo mēden, autē parestē.

What You Need To Know About Ferrets

2006-01-10T01:21:21Z

The following is the ferret care info sheet Decca can provide to anyone adopting a fert for the first time.

Hades-bred Ferrets
Feeding
Ferrets can be fed on dry cat food, particularly the kind made of high-quality meat protein. Soft foods should only be used if the ferret requires medication. Hard, protein-rich feed keeps their teeth, gums and digestive track healthy. Refilling the food dish once a day will suffice.

For treats, some table scraps are allowable. Cooked meat, fish and poultry can be given occasionally and fruits and vegetables are fine but should be limited. A ferret’s digestive track can not handle milk, sugary foods, pasta, rice, bread, potato or anything containing bones.

Fresh water should be kept available at all times. A water bottle or a heavy bowl can be used for this. A small bottle is provided with the cage.

Housing
Each ferret comes with its own wire cage, which is the same size as your typical rabbit cage or cat carrier. The bottom of the cage can be covered with soft wood shavings and leaving a small towel in the cage for burrowing generally prevents a mess. A small corner litter box is also included with the cage and should always be placed into the same corner after cleaning.

If you would like to let your ferret roam free at times, you will have to ferret-proof your house. Do this by using child gates or closed doors to prevent them from getting into any rooms you want them to stay out of and keep them away from any open windows or doors to the outside. Check all vents, pipes and furniture for anywhere I ferret could get through. The general rule with ferrets getting in and out of things is this: if their head can fit, their body can fit. Also be careful of anything they could burrow under or into. Check any rugs for lumps before walking across them and don’t sit on any blankets without being sure your pet is inside.

Hygiene
All of the ferrets have been fixed and descented, which removes both sources of typical odor. To prevent the dirty pet smell from getting to be a problem, bathe your ferret every couple weeks. Ferret shampoo is easy to get. Fill a tub with a couple centimeters of lukewarm water and let the ferret play in it a bit, if it wants to. Dampen the fur, avoiding water in the ears, and just follow the same steps as washing hair. Once your pet is thoroughly rinsed of soap, wrap them in a towel and scrub dry. Once that is done, if you can get them to stay calm, take a cotton swab to just the visible insides of the ear.

Clipping their nails is also important but you have to be careful. Ferrets have a vein that runs into their claws. In order to avoid severing that, simply clip the very tips of the claws so they can get a grip on things without injuring themselves or you.

Other Facts

First off, ferrets are short-sighted. All they really see are shapes and movements. They don’t hear very well, either, and have extra difficulty with high tones. Because of this, they’ll recognize their name or certain commands as a set of nonsense sounds and are most easily trained to respond to clicks or low squeaks like they use to communicate. What they’re going to recognize you by, however, is your scent.

What you may not realize is that your scent changes when you get sick or injured or are feeling particularly happy or depressed. The first thing your ferret will likely do, then, is figure out what its new home and its new people smell like. Then it claims things and marks its territory. As worrisome as that may sound, considering how other animals do it, all the ferret is going to do is sneeze on you.

Other important notes include the fact that a ferret’s whiskers are highly sensitive in order to pick up local vibrations and ferrets are generally very active and tricky creatures. They have very little skill as far as jumping, though they will sometimes attempt a flying leap in order to get to things they find interesting. Most ferrets are fair swimmers, though some dislike water simply because they dislike bathing. They also love to dig and burrow, so giving them a pile of towels or a blanket is always appreciated, and they can climb anything if they can get a good enough grip.

Ferrets like to play rough sometimes. They click and squeak and the tail bristles when a ferret gets excited. They also do something generally called a war dance, in which their front paws stay in one place and their back end hops about. It may look vicious but, where wild weasels use it as a warning for a fight, ferrets use it as part of a game. Feel free to pick them up and swing them around a bit, within reason. They have very elastic-like spines which can withstand a great deal so long as there is no violent trauma.

If your ferret bites or scratches or does anything it is trained not to do, you can use a typical pet punishment such as squirting it with water or putting it back in the cage. Another thing that can be done is scruffing, which is holding it up by the nape of the neck like a mother cat would to a kitten. Whereas cats often grow out of the natural instinct to relax when this is done, ferrets do not. Most ferrets will go limp instantly and it causes no harm.

Each ferret has also been trained with some basics that include: wearing a collar with a bell and I.D. tag, using a litter box when outside of the cage, staying on a leash and riding on shoulders.

Any ferret that is adopted and later proves to be too much trouble or is, for any reason, unable to be kept can be returned at any time.

I'm not a mess. What are you talking about?

2005-12-26T02:25:47Z

You know, I haven't actually had a Christmas in about seventeen years. The last time was when I was four. Mum and I put up this pathetic excuse for a tree and covered it in decorations I'd made with the sitter. I was really fucking proud of myself, too. I've got these pictures of me standing by it and beaming like a little idiot and everything. Right there with the pictures of me buried in the piles of junk I unwrapped Christmas morning. Mum spoiled me rotten that year. Of course, she spoiled me rotten every year, so it wasn't any big surprise. But that was it. My last Christmas. Mum died. Dad doesn't celebrate. Happy holidays.

And did we mention that I'm still living? Breathing and everything. Mum'd be proud. Except for the part where she'd probably smack me for being a pessimistic little arse right about now. But hey. Living, breathing and happy? I figure two out of three can't be bad.

A Mess

2005-12-14T05:01:34Z

I’m not worrying. I’m not. It doesn’t do any good to. It doesn’t help. It never helps. I learned that a long time ago. Worry doesn’t help. It just distracts you.

Only, I’ve got nothing to be distracted from. The only thing I have to focus on any more is what I’m trying so hard to not worry about and what I’m so— I don’t even know. Maybe I shouldn’t— Maybe I’m not— What if my being here is just making things worse? I’m used to making things worse. I’m not used to caring when I do, though. I’m not used to it making a difference. I’m not used to not wanting to.

What if I’m just making things worse?

Or maybe I’m just not doing anything. Because I’m not. I’m not making any effort. No effort is made towards me. You can’t make things worse if you’re not involved. And I’m not involved. Not at this stage of things. Not yet. I’m at the edge of it but I’m not— And maybe I shouldn’t— Maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe I should stay out of it. Maybe I shouldn’t be— Maybe I should have left. Maybe I should— Maybe I should still leave. Before I get into something where all I can do is make a bigger mess of things. It’s all a big enough mess without—

What is wrong with me?

Typist Note

2005-12-13T01:16:25Z

I'm slowly writing bits of Decca's childhood. Or...not so slowly, seeing as I've written and posted two sections of it today. But whatev. So yeah.

Out of Photographs and Our Own Spaces - From life with his mother to life with his father to meeting his favourite uncle for the first time

Because I feel like writing...

2005-12-09T18:36:37Z

You know, it could really be considered sad when there's pretty much a waiting list for killing someone. Or maybe that's just me.

In other news, Dad and I really need to remember that only one of us is allowed to be in the kitchen at any given time if any cooking is involved. I swear the two of us living in the same flat will never stop reminding me of a circus. Battled the frying pan this morning. It was a miserable loss. My grease-burned hand rather agrees. Apparently this knight should stick to rescuing maidens and leave more mundane tasks to other more capable parties.

---
I sleep because I promised to. That doesn't mean I like it. Not that it would be so bad if the nightmares would stop.

I've got a feeling that I'm going to wind up in a whole lot of trouble one of these days and that wouldn't even be so bad if I didn't already know that, whatever happens, she'll probably blame herself for it.

I don't know what's going to happen. I can't know what's going to happen. I don't know what to do and I don't know what I'm doing. Flying blind. And yet, saying I regretted it would be a lie.

Note to Ishm--Mephistopheles

2005-12-01T04:08:48Z

Your sister is in danger.

Typist: Short. To the point. ...he refused to use my "Merry Christmas" note, the spoilsport.

A lesson in letters we all write but never send.

2005-11-29T02:39:27Z

It's a single page, front and back, sitting with a bunch of papers in the middle of his desk. He wrote it but he'll never send it. In fact, he'll likely throw it away later, if he doesn't lose it first. But, for now, it's still sitting there because he's not thinking straight enough to hide it from his father or anyone else in the flat.

Have you ever witnessed a proper study of sleep deprivation?

You see, they have to calculate precisely how long a person has been awake for the study to be valid, so you come in the night before and sleep there in the facility so they can witness a regular sleep cycle. Then, in the morning, you wake up and, from there on, they just keep you awake. Sometimes caffeine is allowed. Sometimes not. The point is just to see how the lack of sleep is tolerated by the body and, more importantly for my purposes, the mind.

In the beginning, these tests were run on prisoners. Convicted criminals were, after all, seen as less than human. After new medical laws were developed, this practice fell away. It wasn't until relatively recently that it became standard to run studies on volunteers instead.

So you come in, they study a sleep cycle, and then they deprive you of sleep.

How does the human body and mind deteriorate as sleep is disallowed?

Wish enough, wise man’ll tell you a lie.
Window broke, torn up screen.
Who’d have thought that you’d dream
of a single tragic scene?

This is, I suppose, an impromptu study on sleep deprivation. How does Judecca Hades change as kept awake by nothing in particular for an extended period of time? Thus far, we’ve discovered that he’s far less guarded. He loses some degree of paranoia around certain people. That doesn’t mean he loses his paranoia in regards to that person, of course. He’ll just admit to trust.

We’ve also discovered that he loses his sense of— Hell, he loses track of what he’s saying.

I just wanna sing a song with you.
I just wanna take it off of you.
‘Cause Blue Eyes,
you are all that I need.
‘Cause Blue Eyes,
you’re the sweet to my mean.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this. Why’d I even start writing in the first place? Shit.

You know, it dawned on me some time around 4am that you cursed, Blue-eyes. I guess I’m just so used to people around me cursing that it didn’t seem strange at first. Then it really hit me.

I don’t tell people that I care. Hell, I don’t usually event ell myself that I care. Caring gives room for pain. Anyone you care about can hurt you or be used to hurt you. You learn this stuff real quickly when you grow up in a family like mine. Even raised knowing only those I could, to some degree, rely on. They taught me to be careful. I learned my lessons.

So, now what? What do I do with the fact that I trust someone? Part of me says that it really shouldn’t be so hard to figure out.

They’d be— Aside from Dad and Uncle Lethe, my family would be disappointed. That’s what makes it so hard. And it’s not that I want their approval. It’s that there’s— I don’t care about what they do to me. It doesn’t matter. And the worst part is that they know that. They know that I’ll just take what they give so long as it’s done to me.

It’s not a Hades’ mode of belief. No one else comes before yourself. It’s what caused the rift between Dad and the family. He cared more about how they treated my uncle than about how they treated him. Uncle Acheron killed the woman he’s married to because he felt it necessary. That’s what is expected.

I have never exactly met expectations.

Fess it up, dot on the palm of your hand.
I can help you to stand.
Saved it up for this dance.
Tell me all that you can.
I just wanna sing a song with you.
I just wanna be the one that’s true.
‘Cause Blue Eyes,
you’re the secret I keep.
‘Cause Blue Eyes…

And the thing is, I don’t want to meet expectations. I don’t want to force myself to do what’s expected of me just for safety’s sake. I have dreams I want to live up to. And I don’t want to reach them just to drop them like Dad did.

I don’t want to disappoint myself the way he did.

And I know, if I gave in to expectation at the expense of my dreams, I’d be disappointing him, too.

All the lights on and you are alive
but you can’t point the way to your heart.
So sublime, when the stars are aligned,
but you don’t know—
You don’t know the greatness you are.

So what happens to a mind when you deprive it of sleep? I wouldn’t know. There are too many other factors involved for this to be used in any proper study. Sleep deprivation, lack of proper nutrition, fever, etc. If an unfriendly member of the family go a hold of me right now— Well, never mind.

You’re the secret I keep.

See Decca. See Decca be avoidant.

2005-11-24T15:26:23Z

So, what's it mean when the people person just wants to avoid most people?

~~Something's just not right in my head and I'd like to stop dreaming. Is that too much to ask?~~